"Hello Sweetheart" needs a comma "Hello, Sweetheart."
And, convention: World War 2 should be World War II.
He pressed some buttons. "Let's see. There's smaller Rifts in Paris, Cairo, New York.... I've never been to New York. Let's go to New York." I don't know whether or not this needs fixing, but saying "New York" for the third time seems odd. Though I just ran it though my head and changed the Doctor's modulation of those three sentences and it worked, so I don't know.
Before reading this, I never realized that the Doctor heard Jack die. And then I had to go watch that relevant section of "The Parting of the Ways" and OMG he does. Add in fact since all the comm systems were open, everyone heard the slaughter of the people on floor zero and when another one of their people went down. ACK! And I'm really, really stupid for not realizing this until two years down the line. *sigh*
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-01 10:54 pm (UTC)And, convention: World War 2 should be World War II.
He pressed some buttons. "Let's see. There's smaller Rifts in Paris, Cairo, New York.... I've never been to New York. Let's go to New York." I don't know whether or not this needs fixing, but saying "New York" for the third time seems odd. Though I just ran it though my head and changed the Doctor's modulation of those three sentences and it worked, so I don't know.
Before reading this, I never realized that the Doctor heard Jack die. And then I had to go watch that relevant section of "The Parting of the Ways" and OMG he does. Add in fact since all the comm systems were open, everyone heard the slaughter of the people on floor zero and when another one of their people went down. ACK! And I'm really, really stupid for not realizing this until two years down the line. *sigh*